Grace

Give grace & receive grace to not just your spouse, but to yourself as well.

This was advice someone gave me before I got married and it’s advice I think of daily. I cannot remember if it was someone I know or if it was a customer from my previous role at Zappos, but it’s been some of the best advice ever. Especially during this time that is medical school and residency. There are times during this journey that REALLY test your marriage. And I’m talking REALLY test it.

The journey of medicine is not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of patience, sacrifice, and, well, grace. It’s learning to read body language and signs of stress. It’s learning to not take things personally when they’re mentally absent, but physically there. Or even physically absent due to studying, rotations, interviews, residency, their career, etc. But you just being there, supporting them through this journey means the world to them. I’m sure I wrote about this on a previous post, but I felt it on my heart to share it again.

Last night Geoff worked his first shift (night) of his residency. His first real shift as a doctor. Not a medical student. And like any new intern, he was nervous. It broke my heart that he felt like he shouldn’t be here and that he was feeling a case of imposter syndrome. Everyone has it at some point in their journey, but it doesn’t make it less sad to hear. All I could do was try to pour love and support into him. Tell him how proud I am and that he worked his @$$ to get here. It doesn’t matter that he is a DO and some of his cohort are MD’s. He proved during medical school that he DESERVES to be here with the rest of them. I told him he has support in me, my parents, his parents, his cohort, and the attending’s that he will be working with. I told him it’s okay to not know the answer. You can’t be expected to know everything. And besides, things will get easier and better with time. I just want him to know that he is meant to be here. He will do well. He needs to show himself grace and be open to failing and learning.

The whole point of this post is because leading up when he started his shift, he was very stressed out. And sometimes stressed out Geoff is exasperated Geoff. So learning how to decipher the two is quite challenging. When I wanted to get upset at his behavior (thinking he was exasperated and wanting to tell him to suck it up, you chose this), I had to pause, take a breath, and say to myself ‘show grace Michaella’. Just that little reminder allowed me to try and understand where he was coming from and be empathetic towards the situation. I’m blessed because I have family to lean on who has been in this situation before. If you don’t have someone who’s been through it in your family, lean on your fellow spouses/ significant others. You can reach out to me too. I am happy to listen and provide advice if needed. Feel free to email me or follow me/message me on Instagram (@michaellawoo1).

You’re not alone in this journey. There are thousands before you who have been and/or are in the position you’re in. Take a deep breath and show yourself a little grace too. We got this. Xoxo