This was something I initially learned when I was in network marketing. And while I am not in network marketing at this given time, this has resurfaced again as I think about the journey of medical school and soon to be residency. The leaders of my company wanted us to try and find the blessings and positives of not just life, but our businesses too. Never did more than try it once or twice, but that’s it.
While it is easy for me to complain and stress about all the things that need to get done before Geoff starts his residency, my father in law reminded me that we should enjoy and be thankful for this journey. There are so many that wish they could be a doctor and be in our spot. Not only that, but it’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, only focusing on that next step/stair that we forget that we need to also enjoy it along the way.
So I have taken some time to reflect on my blessings through this journey.
We GET TO move home to Washington.
Geoff GETSTO practice Anesthesia.
We GET TO own a beautiful home in Nevada.
We GET TO be closer to family and friends.
I GOT TO work for two amazing companies.
I GET TO be married to an amazing man.
I GET TO drive a car that is owned free and clear.
There were some of Geoff’s classmates that were not as lucky to match in the first round and they had to scramble the week of to find a home for their residency. Most, if not all, of who had to scramble found a home and I could not be more excited for them! Now they too get to say ‘I get to.’
I challenge you to think about the blessings in your life and make a list of the things that you ‘get to’ do because of either your job, your business (brick and mortar or network marketing), your family, whatever it might be. Because life’s most amazing blessings aren’t always big, sometimes the smallest blessings have the biggest impact.
Today was/is Match Day. It has been the day that we have been waiting for since we started medical school. Geoff and I FINALLY know where we are headed for residency.
WE ARE HEADED BACK HOME! Home to the Pacific Northwest. 💕 We are so excited and CANNOT wait. Here are some photos from earlier today. Congratulations to everyone who matched!!
My old coworker Brandon said it first. But it really is the best way to describe my time off of work so far or what it will be by the time I have to move for residency. It’s only been a little over a week since I’ve been laid off. A week. Yet I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the fact that my stress levels have just decreased significantly since being let go. My shoulders aren’t as tight and I feel like lots of stress has left my lower back. It’s hard to even entertain the idea of bringing that back on.
However, if I am being honest – I am bored out of my freaking mind. I am working out at least once a day for at least four days a week. Soon I will be trying to do two-a days. I am maintaining my household chores – laundry and dishes and vacuuming to name a few. I miss keeping my mind busy and challenging it. I miss seeing my coworkers on a daily basis. Sure, I could (and should) look into free-online classes. There are tons out there to choose from. But do I wanna sit at the desk in our study and do this? Ehhhhh not really.
I’m sure I will find some other things to fill my time. Maybe I’ll become a personal trainer. Maybe I’ll learn Chinese (again). Who knows what I’ll end up doing. But I’ll figure it out. Eventually. Slowly but surely.
Sometimes that’s all that can be said. 💕 Whatever is weighing heavy on your heart or your mind…may you know that whatever happens, everything will be alright.
There is so many comments that are said to us that make us cringe or make us furrow our brow. Something we hear a lot is “Oh, you’re married to a doctor, you’re going to be fine” or “He’s going to be an [insert specialty here]? They make bank.” Yeah, those might be true…BUT it’s more than the money. It’s so much more. Because what you don’t see is the hours of work put in studying. The hours of work put in to bring in an income (if you’re working). The endless support emotionally and mentally as a S.O. The sacrifices that are made daily to ensure your S.O.’s dream is supported. The amount of loans that has accumulated over the course of 4-years.
Behind the title of ‘doctor’ there is so much more. It’s like that image of the iceberg in water. On the surface people see one thing, but beneath the surface they don’t see (or always understand) the work that has been put in. It takes a strong person to want to stand with someone and support them through medical school. It takes a strong person to want to become a doctor!
Creating a garden in my backyard this past summer (2018).
When Geoff and I got married July 2017, we had just finished second year and USMLE Step 1. For our wedding we had decided that my childhood pastor would be the officiant. Her message during our ceremony was one that I will never forget. She talked about how ones marriage is like a flower/garden. In a garden you get the pots, the soil, the flowers, the seeds, and the tools you will need to start your garden. But if you don’t fertilize and water your garden, the garden dies. It only flourishes and grows if you put the time and the effort to ensure it flourishes.
The cherry tree in front of may parents home.
She couldn’t be more right. Geoff and I have always tried to make a point to have date night once a week or to spend quality time with each other over the weekend (assuming I didn’t have to work). It was whatever we could make it – trips to Costco, trips to the grocery store, walking model homes, walking around another part of town, or venturing out further to go walk/hike.
Me and Geoff hiking out at Mt. Charleston.
Your spouse will spend a good chunk of the first two years (including the summers) studying. Whether that be for a class exam or the boards. Then the last two years are them on rotations both in the local area and away (audition rotations for residency). It sometimes can be hard to fit in time together and it’s easier to find an excuse as to why no time was made. They were busy studying. I had work/other commitments. The kids (if applicable) had this, that, and the other thing. We’re too tired. We forgot. We can do it another day. The list goes on. But anything important is worth making time for. Let your relationship/marriage be a priority. You won’t regret it.
London Bridge is falling down my fair lady. And there I stood; standing in the middle of a plan I called life. Crumbled all around me; the pieces of my glorious bridge. Damn what a beautiful structure. Meticulously built, labored over and held together with love. The med school bomb just exploded. I tried, I really did but the tears spilt over, rolling down my cheeks. He was serious and the more I tried to talk him out of it, the more I realized there was no going back. My stomach sank and that very moment I knew life would never be the same. Perhaps I should’ve stood my ground, maybe threw an absolute bitch fit but in the end who I am to deny a man his destiny. He took the MCAT, applied to med school, and before I could even catch my breath we packed up and moved to Vegas. Welcome to year one.
Go ahead, search high and low for information on first year and being married to medicine. I did. I read every blog post, drowned in YouTube videos but nothing truly prepared me. Plain and simple, med school takes over. It will dominate and redefine every aspect of your existence. Choosing to go into medicine is not just a job. Year one exists to show you medicine is life; medicine is a calling.
Our medical transition is different than most. The best case scenario a med school candidate is young, single, has financial support and ready to take on the world. Med school year one, we’re in our 30’s, twelve year marriage with older kids, two dogs, couple of parakeets, fish and a partridge in a pear tree. So let’s just say I haven’t handled it the best. I try but…
Long story short love, become one with change, breathe in change, breathe out change, obtain peace with change. And by change I mean the sooner you can deal with feeling alone the better. The loneliness will eat at you, don’t let it. Time to suck it up buttercup, you’re a med school spouse. Year one is meant for you to build a support system. You’re going to need this for the rest of med school. Each year is more difficult. Truly invest in things that bring you peace and emotional support. If at all possible stay close to family during med school and if that isn’t an option reach out and make friendships so strong they become your family. Year one I spent watching him study. Don’t do that. Get out, do you boo and when you can connect with your S/O, go out and have a good time!
Year one will rock your world as will year two, three and four. Each year is a different hurdle but year one is about studying and labs and studying and lecture and studying more…did I say studying? My hubs spent hours studying, sometimes 16 hr days. Undergrad is like water hose of information being sprayed at you and med school is like a freaking fire hydrant. So when your S/O has to study don’t take it personally because they’re literally treading water, trying not to drown in information.
You got this! YOU GOT THIS! Be gracious with yourself during this transition and realize there’s no perfect way to do it. Most of all know you’re not alone!
My husband and I LOVE (and mean LOVE) going to model homes and walking through them. It gives us lots of ideas and inspiration for what we want our DREAM HOME to look like.
Things that we know we want are:
A coffee bar in the kitchen (because coffee is life)
Open floor plan
Fireplace (gas of course)
Nice master suite with a large soaking tub
Great outdoor living
Kitchen with lots of counter space
Double ovens (for those holiday and family gatherings)
A space for guests
Last weekend we went to a new development community near our home and just walked around in awe. It was so much fun, because we love a lot of the same things and cannot wait till the day we build our own home.
Below are some pics of some of the homes we walked through. Chances are is that we’ll go find a new community somewhere for us to walk through this weekend. What I love is that each builder has a different style or design inspiration. This gives you (in my opinion) an opportunity to see multiple types of decor and how to organize/design a space.
Even though year one of medical school for us was August 2015 through May/June 2016, it sometimes feels like yesterday we were trying to navigate uncharted territory. It was learning where things were in a new city for the first time, learning how to live with Geoff (we hadn’t lived together prior to medical school), learning how to balance work with holding down the fort at home, trying to find a support system locally when we had no family around, and so much more.
When you move somewhere new I feel like you have to build in WAY more time than you think to get around. Google maps was (and still is) our best friend. Believe it or not, it is quite easy to get lost in Vegas. For the first several months, all I knew was how to get to the necessities – work, home, Costco, the grocery store, and the mall. Other than that, I Google Maps’d everything. Thankfully it did get easier to get around.
Photo Cred: Google
Geoff and I didn’t live together prior to medical school. We lived with our parents up until we moved. Sure he visited me in college for a weekend, but we hadn’t lived in the same space together for more than a week. There was a learning curve to moving in together as there is usually with most couples (I think). Habits that we had developed at our parents house were needing to be discussed and fixed. Discussing about how we were going to handle cooking, cleaning, and bills/finances. I would be lying if I said everything was sunshine and roses. We certainly had our rough patches. But we would end up talking our problems out and moving forward with a better understanding of the other individuals point of view.
Year one was also Geoff figuring out the best way to study for exams. Studying at home in the study or going back to campus after dinner and studying. Usually it was the latter of the two. He would come home from school when I said dinner was ready, he would eat, and then he would leave again to go back to campus and study for several more hours. Sometimes he wouldn’t come back till 11p or later and would do this for remainder of the year. It strained our relationship, as there would be days when I only saw him for dinner as the weekends were spent studying on campus too. He also spent some time during his first year figuring out what materials were best and which ones he could do without. When and how he should start studying for boards. I can’t speak on those two topics, but whatever he found, it worked! Maybe I’ll have him write a piece on study tips for those who may be struggling to find what works for them.
I had either read it on a website or heard it from Geoff when he had interviewed, that it was important to build a support system and make friends with other S.O.’s who were in the same boat. Moving to Nevada, one of my biggest fears was that I wasn’t going to meet any ladies/spouses I meshed well with. Would they like me? Would I like them? Will we be friends during medical school? After medical school? These were questions I thought often. Something that we did when we first moved down was go to the events that the school put on to help all the first years socialize with each other. It was there that we met some of our closest friends – Charles and Nicole. Right after the first exam of medical school, Charles and Nicole invited us and a group of others to sushi. It was there I met Tommy and Naomi. It was like God was watching out for me. He put two amazing ladies in my life and I knew that I was going to get through medical school just fine.
From Left: Nicole, Me, Naomi
The first year would also be the first year that I was away from my family for the holidays. I was lucky enough to be able to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. For Thanksgiving I was able to surprise my mom. She had no idea I was coming. My dad, my sister, and my grandma knew. She did not. The look on her face was priceless and one I will never forget.
I feel like the first year of medical school was all about adjusting. Adjusting to a new place, new people, and a new way of investing in your relationship(s). It’s funny to look back on the first year of medical school now and remember how long the next four years were going to be. There were lots of things that I wish we could have done differently, but there are a lot of things that I wouldn’t change. Knowing that things were only going to get more challenging moving forward, I braced myself and said ‘Bring it on.’
So your S.O. got into medical school. Congratulations! The journey is only just beginning. Now the first thing that you’re going to want to do is research and get your life somewhat ready. Chances are is that you and your S.O. are going to have to move for them to attend school. We knew back in March/April of 2015 where we were headed for the next four years. That gave us plenty of time try and come up with a game plan. Thankfully the school helped us with some of the research as they provided living accommodations near the school. We started with those, but then branched out and looked at surrounding areas as well. It was important for us to find something close to the school so that Geoff could bike if he wanted too.
Important Things to Consider (When Choosing a Place To Live) 1. Cost per month (rent and all – utilities, internet/cable, garbage, etc.) 2. Distance from the school 3. Distance from your place of work (if you’re choosing to work) 4. Distance from amenities 5. Neighborhood (safe, good school district if you have kids)
Not everyone’s top 5 things to consider will be the same, yours might be totally different. We ended up finding an apartment that was just about a miles or so away from the school Geoff would be attending. Thankfully the front office staff was able to help us secure a two bedroom, one bath unit on the first floor until we were able come down. We weren’t officially moving in till July, but thankfully we chose to make a weekend trip in June to Las Vegas so we could scope out the area. The apartment was the perfect first place to live. Close to the school, tucked away from busy streets, close to the freeways, close to amenities (some within walking distance)…nice grounds, etc.
The most bittersweet thing was packing up our childhood homes and officially moving out. I mean, we ‘moved out’ for college, but you always came back for breaks and such. We were moving moving out. Like, our bedrooms turned into guest rooms moving out. Anyways, strategically we have to figure out what was coming from each respective home and how we were going to load the U-Haul/Penske truck. Thankfully everything fit. Not to mention we were bringing both our cars down….so one of us had to drive a car and the other drove the Penske with trailer in tow. Guess who had to drive the Penske? Geoff. I followed behind in my car.
Driving away from our parents house’s was emotional. Everyone was crying or trying not to cry. No one wanted to say ‘goodbye’. I remember crying for the first few minutes driving away. I was leaving my entire life (up until that point) behind. I was leaving the comfort & familiarity of my hometown, my family, my friends….who wouldn’t be scared about what was ahead? The only thing that made moving better and that kept the fear of the unknown at bay was Geoff. I wasn’t going on this adventure alone, he was going to be there too and we were going to do this together. ❤
Navigating Life as a Doctor's Wife 