**This topic is a little harder to write about as it is INCREDIBLY personal.**
I am an open book. Unless I tell you (or show it on my face), I don’t get easily offended if you’re asking me a question about my life. When I tell people that I am adopted it opens a whole new set of questions. Ones that I still don’t know the answers too myself.
“Where were you adopted from?”
“Have you been back to China?”
“When were you adopted?”
“What age were you adopted at?”
“Do you speak Chinese?”
“Do you know your birth parents?”
“Do you want to know/meet your birth parents?”
“Do you know if you have any other siblings?”
I am proud to be adopted. I’m proud to be one of the first groups of girls/children to be adopted from China. Let me say this disclaimer before moving forward – my adoptive parents are my parents. They are the ones that raised me and gave me a chance at life that I will be forever grateful for. Nothing, not even my birth parents, will take that away from my mom and dad.
I’ve always tossed back and forth whether or not I want to see/meet my birth parents. Sometimes I torture myself by watching other adoptees finding their birth parents. I say its torture because I am happy for them, but know it may not be a reality for me. It’s hard knowing that. Would I want to meet them? Maybe. I’m not sure. Peoples next question is “Why? What makes you say that?” But really, it comes down to what would I say to them? Thank you? Thank you for giving me a chance at life I wouldn’t otherwise may have gotten? Or do I say “Why wasn’t I good enough? Did you not love me enough to keep me?” When I was younger I struggled with that a lot. Now, as an adult, I don’t as much. And after watching so many adopted people meet their birth family on YouTube, I understand that it is not a choice that is made lightly. Nowadays I tell myself that my birth parents do love me, despite them not knowing me. There are still times where I wonder if they think about me as often as I think about them.
I hope my birth parents know I forgive them, that I understand the hard choice they were forced to make at the time I was born. That I think about them often and wish them well. I hope they know that if we ever get a chance to meet, I will happily do so with grace and thankfulness. I hope they know that they don’t have to apologize for the choice they made. That they don’t need to make it up to me.
I will go back to China one day with my parents and my husband. I will go back to see the province and the orphanage. I’m sure I won’t see anyone who remembers me. But I know it will be a humbling experience and a very moving experience. ❤️
Navigating Life as a Doctor's Wife 