2020 Reflections

If we have learned anything from this year, it is that it has been a complete s***show. Okay, maybe not a complete s***show, but it has been challenging in more ways than one. For some, jobs were lost and anxiety about how to pay bills set in. For some, loved ones lost their lives to COVID-19 (WASH YOUR HANDS, SOCIAL DISTANCE, AND WEAR YOUR MASKS PEOPLE). For some, the battles with their physical, mental, and emotional health were conquered – and for others, they struggled. Whatever this year has looked like for you, if no one has told you recently – you’re doing great. This year has put most of us into survival mode and I think that it’s important to celebrate small wins as well as the big ones.

When I reflect on this year, I can’t help but feel blessed, frustrated, and guilty all at the same time. I feel blessed because I was able to keep my job through the pandemic as was my husband (essential worker – yay healthcare). To not have a period where we worried if we were going to be able to pay our rent, utilities, or our mortgage is truly a blessing. I understand my privilege in being able to say that. I feel frustrated because I feel like I didn’t accomplish as much as I could have. All over Instagram you see these people who used the pandemic to really make improvements in their health and in their life…yet, I feel like I have just stayed the same. Comparison really is the thief of joy. I feel guilty because of my blessings. I feel guilty that I can still enjoy my life and that I can still afford my lifestyle (not that it was all that extravagant before) and wants without thinking twice. Again, I recognize my privilege in being able to say that.

This year has seen some really crazy events – social injustice and the worldwide support of Black Lives Matter, an election that determined the fate of the country for decades to come, and a vaccine for COVID-19. I think though we can all agree that in some ways the events that transpired this year also brought us closer. We are grateful for the small things – food on the table, our health, the health of loved ones, a roof over our heads, waking up each day, a slower pace. To me, we as a country learned that the most important words in 2020 are kindness, grace, unity, strength, and hope. What words would you use to describe 2020?

As we close up the year that has been 2020. I wish for all of you a better 2021. I hope that you get to see loved ones again. I hope that you count your blessings. I hope nothing but happiness and great fortune for you and your loved ones.

All my love, Michaella

4th of July

This year it feels different. That’s because it IS different. Not only are we still in the midst of a pandemic…but we’re also still dealing still with Black Lives Matter. Black people are still fighting for equality. They’re still being killed in disproportionately high rates compared to white people and to other minorities. It feels wrong to celebrate the 4th of July.

This year I’m going to take some time reflect and learn something new. It’s also time to make a change.

❤️🤍💙

#BlackLivesMatter

Everyone processes information differently and forms their own thoughts at different paces. The events that have transpired recently (George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery) have left me unable to find the appropriate words to say. I have thought about what I wanted to share and how to share it for days. However, silence is ignorance and not okay. So here is my promise to do better and to be better.

I understand that I will never fully understand what it is like to be an African American here in the United States. I understand that even as an Asian American, I have privilege that my fellow African Americans do not. I don’t have to worry about getting followed in a store, I don’t have to worry about my life ending if pulled over. I don’t have to think twice about what I look like before leaving my house and if it’s going to set someone off.

While I have experienced some racist comments in my life, memories that still sometimes hurt me to this day, this is not about me or my feelings and my experiences. This is about acknowledging the decades of oppression and hate and racism that the African Americans have had to endure. This about LISTENING to them and VALIDATING how they’re feeling. This is about us non-African Americans learning how to be an ally and be anti-racist.

To those I know who are people of color. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for my ignorance, my silence, my lack of knowledge/education. I promise to do better, to be better, and show you that I’m not going to sit here idly and not talk about it. Help me be a better ally.

I stand with you. ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿🤍